u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
