i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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