He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
be right there i have to get my cape
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
