So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
