you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
