Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
