Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
