I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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