Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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