I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
