Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
