I am full of burrito and curiosity
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
