haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
