i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Randomize
