is your mom at the bar?
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
