so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
