His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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