tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
