the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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