return my video game
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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