I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
