so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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