I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Randomize
