i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
