I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
