we have pet lesbian snakes
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Randomize
