I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
