there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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