yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
