he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
