I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
