I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
