My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I think i peed on brittanys purse
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
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