I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
