Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
