So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
