I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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