how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
