All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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