Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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