Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
