does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
love makes seman taste better
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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