I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
