ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
