So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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