Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
a search helicopter?!
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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