After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
