I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
