Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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