my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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