he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
